Pride in its many forms….
As a neurotypical, white, university educated, queer woman who easily passes as straight, I sometimes wonder about the legitimacy of my voice in the LGBTQIA+ space – and being a natural introvert doesn’t help.
But I’m also a leader, manager, business owner, trustee not to mention mum, sister, aunt and partner - and so often feel the weight of responsibility of representation, of the generations and communities struggling to find their voice or their own legitimate space.
I’ve been “out” since I first realised I was queer – quite quickly told family and friends and bar a few unkind / unnecessary / biased comments, have been largely lucky by responses and the acceptance that has been unquestioning. For that I am very grateful whilst at the same time feel angry, resentful and sad that that sentence is even necessary.
At work, as the leader of a team, I make sure new members of staff know I’m in a relationship with another woman from day one – both to foster a workplace that is open, accepting and celebratory, and to ensure I’m avoiding any potential faux pas by employees who may then feel eternally embarrassed in front of their new boss!
I make sure LGBTQIA+ awareness, discussions, contexts are live and real within my team – chats in the office, focussed peer support discussions re: LGBTQIA+ affirmative practice, lived experience discussions across the team. My family set up and experiences are openly shared, including various discussions about IVF / sperm donors / the journey to parenthood. I work hard to foster a team that is not just accepting of difference, but one that celebrates it. Despite all this I’ve often felt there is lots more I “should” be doing.….And recently the weight of that has fallen more heavily.
I’ve been reflecting on who my role models were growing up and early on in my career….or perhaps more accurately my lack of role models. On relationships that were empowering, uplifting and supportive, and those that were less so. Comments made that had more power than perhaps the speaker realised.
There has been much chat over recent years about ‘allyship’ and I’ve been thinking about what that means for me…..and I’ve come to the conclusion it all comes down to attitude…coming with an open heart, an inquisitive mind, from a position of wanting to know more about a person. Getting rid of assumptions. At the end of the day we are all the same, and we are all different. Human beings are fascinating if you just take the time to listen and learn.
At home with our 10 year old son, my partner and I obviously have had many discussions with him over the years about his family set up, and how it feels when people say “what do you mean you don’t have a dad?”, working hard to ensure he is proud of his family, proud of himself. He’s often commented on how “annoying” it can be that some people don’t realise its “perfectly normal to have a different sort of family”. When talking about different family set ups in school this year, I asked him whether the teacher had said anything to him specifically about it (as the only kid in his class with same-sex parents). Either they just didn’t think or they actively avoided it, but I think it would have been nice to acknowledge to him directly that the lesson topic and messages may have fallen slightly differently for him.
A little while ago my brother asked me if I minded him talking about me / my experiences at an LGBTQIA+ event at his work. Of course, I didn’t. And this year he’s off to Pride again to show his support.
And just the other day I witnessed some secondary school kids at a bus stop chatting, overhearing one girl say “a woman needs a husband to have a baby” …..and a defiant voice from one of the boys saying loudly and proudly “that’s not true - my sister has a wife and they have 3 kids”.
All voices are brave, all voices are powerful, all voices are different. That is as it should be…. Pride in its many forms changing the world one discussion at a time.
#HappyPride2024